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Trump Haiku

by Lionel E. Deimel

 

Haiku is a convenient form for up-to-the-minute political commentary in verse. And, of course, Donald Trump offers much grist for the poetic mill. Below are haiku written for February 2017.

 

Be Careful What You Ask For

A business leader,

Something new for President.

What a big mistake!

 

 

Wall

Tremendous idea:

A wall to keep out rapists,

Avocados, too.

 

 

Spokesperson

Kellyanne Conway,

Mouthpeice for Donald Trump,

Source of fake news.

 

 

Problem of the Popular Vote

Clinton had more votes;

Sad for Donald Trump’s ego.

Something must be wrong.

 

 

Counting Problem

Inauguration:

Many people on the Mall;

Not enough for Trump.

 

 

Obamacare

ACA is bad:

Mandates hurt the common folk;

The rich don’t need it.

 

 

Dodd-Frank

Banking regs must go;

Bankers are such trusted guys;

Nothing could go wrong.

 

 

Betsy DeVos

Education czar,

Don’t think much of public schools,

Don’t know much, either.

 

 

Doctor in the House

Surgeon Ben Carson,

New housing chief for Donald Trump.

Once lived in a house.

 

  Trump and campaign slogan

 

Anyone paying attention to current events will understand the references in the above haiku. For the benefit of future generations, however, I offer a few words of explanation.

Donald Trump is a real estate magnate and reality television personality with an amazing head of hair and narcissistic personality disorder. For people who mistakenly thought that the government should be run like a business, Trump was their man. Remarkably, he was elected 45th President of the United States, though Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton received more than 2.8 million votes more than Trump. Trump claimed a “landslide” victory and, without evidence, asserted that 3 million non-citizens voted in the election illegally.

One of Trump’s campaign promises was that he would build a wall on our southern border to keep out drug runners, criminals, and rapists. He repeatedly insisted that Mexico would pay for such a wall. When Mexico showed no interest in the project, the Trump administration suggested that it might impose a 20% tariff on Mexican goods.

Kellyanne Conway became Trump’s final campaign manager and was named a Trump advisor after the election. She is adept at re-interpreting Donald Trump statements and making them seem nearly reasonable. She also makes up stuff. At a time when people are concerned about “fake news,” Conway happily made up the “Bowling Green Massacre,” an event that never happened.

Trump’s inauguration attracted many fewer people than did, for example, the 2008 inauguration of Barack Obama. Trump has insisted, contrary to all evidence, that that was not the case.

The Affordable Care Act, often referred to as Obamacare, was President Barack Obama’s signature healthcare bill. It became the chief Republican bogeyman, so, of course, Donald Trump had to oppose it and try to get rid of it as soon as possible.

The Dodd-Frank Act was passed after the disastrous banking crisis of 2008. It sought, through intelligent regulation, to prevent such a catastrophe in the future. Regulation is anathema to Republicans, so President Trump is determine to get rid of Dodd-Frank.

Trump nominated Betsy DeVos to be Secretary of Education. She is a billionaire who has contributed tens of thousands of dollars to Republican senators who would vote on her nomination. She is an advocate of charter schools and school vouchers that could be used even to pay tuition at religious schools. She has never taught, attended a public school, or sent a child to public school, and she is widely considered to be an enemy of public schools.

Ben Carson, a retired brain surgeon, was a candidate for the Republican nomination and, failing in that endeavor, he eventually became a Trump supporter. Trump nominated him to be Secretary of Housing and Urban Development, though his interests and qualifications in this area have not been apparent.

— LED, 2/7/2017

 

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